I am not pregnant yet. But I hope to be, and I’ve found that even carrying around that hope in my heart has changed parts of my life in big and small ways. Here are some serious and some silly ways that I am different:
I really love clothes. I have a well-developed sense of personal style, and great wardrobe. Before I even met my husband in person (we met online) I told him in an email that getting dressed is one of the best parts of my day, and the truth is that adding a new piece to my closet is a great way to banish my blues. BUT! How do you buy clothes for a body that will be drastically changing probably-someday-but-who-knows-when?! Since we started to try for a baby I only allow myself to spend money on clothes that will look great over a baby-bump (and be gentle to the ways my body with be different as a mother). Goodbye 1950’s style fit-and-flair silhouettes and hello beautiful flowing tunics!
My sister is getting married next summer and I am so excited to be her Matron of Honor. Luckily, she is also really excited to be an aunt, so she’s being really patient with me as decline to commit to, uhm, ANYTHING. Not her bachelorette party, not a date for a shower, not a bridesmaid dress (see above), not even where my family will stay the night of her nuptials.
How can I? I don’t know what my life will look this time next year! This also applies to vacations, career decisions, and family holiday traditions.
I love ice cream, cheese, and milky tea, but for most of my adult-life I have tried to pick frozen-yogurt, reduced fat cheese, and 1%. Now that I’m getting ready to grow a brand-new human inside of me, I’m also working on making my body a good place for that little future-person to live. That means taking vitamins, eating my greens, and yes! Eating full-fat dairy!
My Internal Monologue
I try to be mindfully present in my life. I have to work pretty hard at it because I know my natural tendency is to be more future-focused rather than in the here-and-now. Some days I am better at it than others. These days, it’s hard to do anything without wondering what it will be like with a baby. Every-day activities like walking the dog, grocery shopping, or cleaning the house. Special occasions like birthdays, out-of-town visitors, or weekends away. “How will this be different?” I ask myself, “Could I do this wearing my baby in a sling?” “What will the dog think of a baby in the house?” “How long until my friend’s child will be old enough to baby-sit?” or “Gee, how will we fit everything a baby needs in our little apartment and our little car?”
I keep having to quiet that voice and remind myself that I will know all the answers to those questions eventually!
Everyone always says that parenthood changes you forever. That makes sense to me, and the process has already started, before we have even conceived! What a journey this is! I’m sure I’m not the only one. Hopeful-future/expectant/current mothers out there, what was this experience like for you?