Advice from Women Who’ve Been There

Trying to conceive (TTC) can be an emotional roller coaster. At times it can be exciting and enlightening (“we’re making a life!”), but it can also be stressful and frustrating (“we have to have sex how many times?!”). To us, it seems that the best advice we can give, should come from those who have experienced it first hand, with all the ups and downs that come with TTC. That’s why we asked several mothers, mothers-to-be, and women who are currently TTC to share only the best advice with you. Here’s what they had to say:

What’s the Best Advice You Got While Trying to Conceive?

Can I tell you the most annoying advice? It’s when people say to just relax and let it happen! Come on people! Don’t you think I want to do that? I can’t! But the most practical and I think helpful advice I got is to use a diva cup after sex for a few hours. I sometimes leave it in overnight. It holds “everything” close to the cervix and with my tilted uterus it makes me feel more confident that the little guys are in the right area. Plus I don’t feel as bad getting up to pee right after.

— Anonymous, Los Angeles, CA my opinion, you gotta let that experience be all about the journey: don’t think about kids or achieving anything, what a mood crusher. Instead focus on the extraordinary bliss of not having to be “responsible”: when else in your life have you been able to hit it without barriers, pills, or the vague anxiety of consequences until you’re trying to have a baby? Let that be the best thing ever. Also, it’s helpful for ladies to be empowered by knowledge about their cycle, big time. Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility, a dauntingly thick book for being all sciencey, but an extremely quick and fascinating read: I swear by it.

— Marnee B., San Diego, CA


The best advice I have gotten is to not make trying to conceive a job, and just have sex…a lot. But the most “helpful” was when my sister-in-law bought me an ovulation predictor kit. I got pregnant. Science: 1, Romance: 0.

— Lindsay B., Fairfax, VA


Nothing anyone can say will prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster of hormones. While on fertility drugs I was more crazy than pregnant. Nothing anyone says can help you deal with the emotional trauma every month when you get your period and your hopes are dashed to the ground and stomped all over. I would say the best thing to do is take it one day at a time. Try relaxation techniques like meditation, acupuncture, or yoga.

— Amy B., Charleston, SC


Unfortunately, I can’t remember anyone giving me advice regarding conceiving. But knowing someone who is struggling with this now, I almost think that was the best advice of all: none.

— Anonymous, San Diego, CA


When the hubs and I finally decided to try and get pregnant, I was, well, not in my twenties. I was well into my thirties, and it was difficult. The best advice I received was the encouragement of a friend to see a bio-identical hormone replacement specialist. These people are trained to check hormones levels with much greater sensitivity than your OB/GYN and the bio-identical hormones match what is naturally produced in your body (as opposed to the synthetic horse estrogen in the birth control pill and other hormone replacements offered by your OB/GYN). Less than six months after regulating my hormones I was pregnant and thrilled…and terrified…and thrilled. We’re about to celebrate our daughter’s 2nd birthday and I’m so so so grateful.

— Jennifer S., Bakersfield, CA

“Bonus advice: Make sure your baby dances are fun AND sperm-safe! Avoid using oils, saliva and lubes that aren’t proven to be fertility-friendly.” (FYI: baby dances or BD is the term some TTC couples use for sex! I keep learning all kinds of cool stuff.)